Death, although natural and inevitable, is not a topic of everyday conversation. Often associated with a sense of sadness, grief and helplessness, it is not a simple topic for adults. It is all the more eagerly and often avoided during conversations with children. The topic cannot be avoided indefinitely. And All Saints' Day and the traditions associated with it are a good opportunity for a wise conversation.
Should you talk to your child about death?
Conversations about death and passing are not the easiest. Death is not a topic brought up in everyday conversations. Over coffee or while waiting for the bus, we are more likely to talk about current affairs. Death is often a difficult topic for adults to talk about. Not surprisingly, therefore, we are reluctant to bring it up in front of children. In addition, "life" and "death" are abstract concepts. It's not an apple, an elephant or a ball that we can show and discuss in a simple way. Often, too, in an effort to make things easier, adults further complicate the issue. By calling death a "long sleep" or a "long journey," they not only mislead, but may unknowingly ingrain fears in children, for example, about sleep.
Death is an important topic that recurs on the occasion of holidays (such as All Saints' Day) or random events (death in close proximity). In such situations, questions from curious children are often unavoidable. What to do then? It's best not to avoid answers and to talk calmly.
How and when to talk to a child about death?
Research shows that the understanding of the concept of "death" varies depending on the child's developmental stage. These stages correspond to the stages of cognitive development as defined by Piaget.
Of course, every parent knows his child best. He is the one who knows when, under what circumstances and how to talk to the child. Autistic children may be more sensitive than their peers, which is worth taking into account during conversations.
When is it appropriate to talk? There is no clear answer to this question. Of course, when children ask. Otherwise they will satisfy their curiosity by seeking answers from other sources of knowledge. Opportunities for wise conversation are also random events, such as the death of a beloved dog.
"Mom, are you ever going to die?"
Questions asked by children are often not easy. Their answers should be tailored to the age of the person, the questions posed, the person's own beliefs (e.g., religious), and the child's level of cognitive skills.
What are some things to keep in mind when talking to autistic people?
How then to talk? The most important thing is honesty. It's not shameful to admit to a child that you don't know the answer to a question. Showing your own feelings, for example, when remembering the dead will show him that he doesn't have to hide his emotions. Difficult emotions are ok and everyone has a right to them. Dialogue is not just about answering questions and satisfying knowledge. It's also a chance for a person on the spectrum to articulate his medications and emotions related to death and passing. In the question "Mom, will you/me/grandpa/dad die someday?" the child expresses his concern. Divesting him will result in him not being able to work through these emotions. A better solution will be a sincere but wise answer adapted to the child's age and cognitive abilities, e.g. "yes, but I hope we all live to a happy and late old age."